Halloween 2: Hulk Smash! (2009) – Bluray Review

Distributor:  Entertainment In Video

UK Release Date: 1st Feb 2010

Format: Bluray

Certificate: 18

Running Time: 105 Minutes

RRP:  £5.99 (Amazon & HMV)

Director: Rob Zombie

Starring:  Tyler Mane, Danielle Harris, Margot Kidder, Brad Dourif

Special Features:

• Deleted and Alternate Scenes
• Audition Footage
• Make-Up Test footage
• Uncle Seymour Coffins’ Stand up Routines
• Blooper Reel
• Captain Clegg and the Night Creatures Music Videos

Well some of you may remember my rant about Halloween 2007 which can be read HERE!  I may have implied Rob Zombie raped me but this time? This time I take the form of an abused spouse going back for more, thinking he’s changed when he’s still the sadistic son of a bitch who hurt me first time round.  I ignore the warning of my friends not to go back but I do anyway.

I am a fool!

This one actually plays like a slasher so it’s moderately bearable, the destruction of a horror icon continues though in this search to bring a gritty realism to the franchise reboot.

The story of Halloween 2 continues the Strode trauma, she’s haunted by the events of last Halloween and with the disappearance of Myers body she’s convinced he’s still alive and she’s not doing well.  Annie however is moving on and taking the bull by the horns, she survived that night of terror and is the only likeable character in the piece probably because she’s not whored out, drunk or cussing at every given opportunity.

Hi Leather Face... No Dammit... Michael!

Loomis however holds the key to Myers obsession with Laurie, in his quest for fame through book releases regarding the Myers legacy he sets himself up to be a right bastard from the word go.

These are small sins, it was a small blessing at the end of the first film that we knew Sheri Moon Zombie would not be returning to the franchise due to the way her character was left in the first film. However Rob Zombie never fails to make me want to stick a fork in my eye as within seconds Sheri Moon Zombie appears as stripper mom Deborah Myers, an apparition a dream that is guiding our boy on his killing spree… she doesn’t appear the once, no she’s everywhere and it’s annoying as sin!

Someone call in Jennifer Love Hewitt, we need a Ghost Whisperer to make sure this bitch goes into the light and stays gone!!

Although despite that, I do have to say it was rather clever to have Myers be guided by some entity… since you fecked up the inherently evil message from the originals you may as well continue pounding into my ass until I submit.

That is what happened. Knowing I was never going to see the Michael Myers I came to love as a teen, I bent over and took what Rob Zombie was offering.  It was always uncomfortable position but I took it and at no point did I like it but I’d gone too far and my cries of “No, Please stop” had fallen on deaf ears.

Please Lady, GO INTO THE LIGHT!

Here I was, stuck watching totally unlike-able characters getting brutally murdered, in fact Michael Myers is no longer an icon in this franchise, he’s more of a hobo on a killing spree, in fact in one scene he looks like Santa the Red Nosed Rapist.

It’s a terrible affair but for us fans we sit through it in the hope that we’ll remember what made the originals great.

Those illusions however are SHATTERED when Myers starts grunting during killing sprees, the silent shape now loses his mystique as he grunts his way through the first few kills. COME ON Zombie, stop toying with me…. You’ve done this to me for the last time. I’m not Precious you can’t sneak into my room, jam your rod in my ass and then say you love me by serving up this drivel.

I believed in you… and you… you exploited my love.  Now I’m alone, feeling dirty and ashamed. Why Rob? Why did you do this to me…

As you can tell, I wasn’t impressed and Zombie also blatently sets it up so that Laurie will go dolally and become the next in the Myers line to carry on this legacy of blood…

You can’t surprise me and that’s just bad!!!

The one good thing about this film? It didn’t try to be more than a slasher like the first one attempted to be… It was violent and Danielle Harris did ever so well to make her character likeable in a script played with hillbilly nobodies once again.  If you have trouble writing characters Rob, get someone in to help you because these skull fucking nobodies are getting old.  They were alright as outcasts in The Devils Rejects but when you try to inject them into a whole town, you’re off your nut mate.

See it but be prepared for a just about average experience.

Video: Grainy grainy grainy but that’s down to artistic licence, the film itself is sharp you can see all the small details even when the Hulk is picking up cars but then again the grain wasn’t THAT bad as it didn’t detract from the experience.  Although my outrage at a grunting Myers during his first few kills could have distracted me from the snowy picture.

Audio: Great 5.1 HD Master Audio which makes full use of the sound stage it’s been given.  Screams, echoes, pitch and tone are all practically perfect in every way.  Zombie as a director has a vision and that vision may be poor but he incorporates some wacky images with a cracking sound mix.