Monday Musings: First Chapter Critique

Right so I’m not going to post my first chapters but I am going to post the critique that came after. I find that when I share things at large, I get bored with them very quickly and they never get finished.

I’m dysfunctional like that.

I hope Mr Shipp doesn’t mind me posting this stuff lol but I think it’s interesting to know what your peers say about you.  Even if you paid $99 for the course so technically they have to be NICE to you.

Hey it was cheaper than the Open University Alternative.

I wrote three versions of chapter one, each from a different angle and all different scenes but each version could easily fit into the story somewhere later on down the line.

Since my fellow classmates told me I never finish anything. My first port of call was Mr Shipp to ask for advice on closure and transition. 

My main problem through the process of writing the first chapter to a time scale was, I just didn’t ‘feel it’.  It wasn’t flowing at some points it became a chore and thanks to my strangely out of character social lifestyle at the moment.  I found time restraints very difficult to manage as well.

<Fantastic work, Clifford! This is your best work yet, in my opinion. I especially love Inferno. The narrative voice is excellent. Your imagery is vivid and fresh.

You told me you were having trouble with ending the chapter, and transitioning to the next chapter.

My recommendation would be to not worry about chapters right now. Just think about scenes. “Inferno” is an awesome scene, and I think it would make an excellent first scene of a novel. I suggest that you stick with this point of view character. The narrative voice is unique and enthralling and hilarious. Stick with him, and show your readers the apocalypse through his unique perspective.

You’ve written Scene 1, so now you can write Scene 2. For Scene 2, write about the next interesting thing that happens to your character. Then, for Scene 3, another interesting event. I’d recommend incorporating some of the ideas that you used in Sanctuary and Discovery, but stick with the same point of view character. Maybe he ends up at Sanctuary eventually. If he does end up there, be sure to use these sentences, because they’re awesome: Don’t get me wrong, Sanctuary is a fine establishment. The view is remarkable; the rolling hills, the blackened crust that was once green fields now forms a stunning horizon. As if dry flesh had cracked and flaked away the entire lush pink that came before. Only decay now.

I can tell that you’re bursting with ideas, but you have a hard time sticking with the same storyline. That used to happen to me a lot too. What helps me is that I keep an Idea Notebook with me almost all the time. In my Idea Notebook, I write down all the ideas that come to me, regarding a book or story. I write down thoughts, ideas, snippets of dialogue, images, anything. When I’m writing a book on my computer, I write the book, one scene at a time, and I incorporate many of my ideas from my notebook. Maybe that sort of system would help you too.

Feel free to contact me at any time if you have any questions, or if you’d like to ask me for any sort of advice.

Again, Inferno is an awesome scene. To me, it’s the perfect first scene of a book. I’m not sure what exactly Scene 2 should be about, but I recommend sticking with the same point of view character. Write another interesting scene in the guy’s life. Maybe a scene where he and Alex get rescued just in time. Or maybe he visits Alex months later, and Alex is traumatized by what happened. Whatever happens, I’m sure it’ll be interesting, because your scenes are always interesting.

Keep up the good work, Clifford.>

So here I am, back in the warm cuddly safety of my cotton wool.  Ego nourished and ready to plough on with the second draft of my tale.  For those in the class that have read my attempts I think if I can keep up the momentum of writing.  Natures Wrath as it is currently titled will follow the main characters journey from the ice to the barren post apocalyptic wasteland that holds Sanctuary.

I think that would be a good start. Perhaps.

I think my main issue where I’ll get hung up is characterisation.  Too many cooks in the kitchen could confuse me as I can be a little bit ditzy!!!

One day I’ll post up what I’ve managed to write. One day.

Oh and in addition,  lets throw some of the student comments into the mix, the harshest critics of all because I didn’t pay them lol

Mate…I love your writing and your style, but I would like to see you turn in completed work. You did the incomplete thing with the short story too. I would like to have the chance to really read something you have put the time into. You would get more out of our responses.

Okay…now onto the comments.

I absolutely LOVED the Sanctuary piece. It sets a great atmosphere. It’s very intriguing and is making me want to read more. I was enjoying the voice you had going here. I think I would have connected to the character.

I particularly liked: “The view is remarkable; the rolling hills the blackened crust that was once green fields now forms a stunning horizon. As if dry flesh had cracked and flaked away the entire lush pink that came before. Only decay now.”

Discovery was also off to a great start. The dialogue was fabulous and engaging.

Inferno had awesome characterization contained in those first few lines! Bravo. Great imagery in this piece too.
I liked this line a lot: “It was Alex, an Australian historian. I could have sworn he received his doctorate from a cereal box.”

Yes Yes, I have trouble commiting and urrr climaxing. Apologies!!

Loved all three, but the last one had me on the edge of my seat waiting to see what was coming out of the ice! Inferno – please finish I need to know what happens!

See as I was writing all three incarnations of my first chapter, Inferno was the one I commited to BUT I felt it was a dud from start to finish. The idea was there it’s putting it onto the page is the difficult part.  I need a ghost writer!! Apply urrr in the comments box

I definitely think Inferno has the strongest opening, but I say use the other two as scenes in the book for sure. You have a great voice and interesting concepts. Get more confidence and just write–you can edit later!

*Groans* PLEASE finish at least one of these man. I liked sanctuary but the last one was, in my opinion the best by far. Good starting dialogue and fantastic action. Help a guy out and JUST WRITE you can edit to your hearts content later. You have talent let it out.

Fred eats cabbage monsters for a living!!! Wahhhh

Yep, some really nice stuff here. The third one is clearly most complete, but I think I like Sanctuary best. Great idea to focus on the Olympics – you’d better get this story out there before 2012. People need to know!

That quote at the beginning is fab. I always like a quote. Liked the close of the third section too.

So, what are you going to do for the rewrite?

OK. You complain about yourself alot. But I hear the genius in your head screaming to get out. The self-padded walls of doubt have to come down, my friend.

Your false starts have promise, but Inferno has such a cleverness to it, you have to settle down and finish it. Even if you turn it into a short story.

Sentences like:

“Alex began to grip tighter. I could swear the man were about to kiss me had he not had on a heated face mask and other gear that would act as a make shift chastity device; it took that long to disrobe at the end of each shift.”

Gives me imagines of a Brokeback Mountain sequel. It’s such vivid imagery that makes me want to read the end.

If you haven’t tried it, you need to try an exercise in stream of consciousness writing. Don’t stop to edit or punctuate. Just blindly write. I’ve done this with a blindfold listening to music (No, that’s not a Brokeback Mountain sequel). It works for me.

These pieces almost feel like you are stopping at ever sentence to rewrite. Rewriting doesn’t come until like the 3rd or 4th or 5th edit.

Let the crazy genius out.

Love how you effortlessly make it seem as if this character’s voice is addressing the reader.  I agree with everybody!!!!  I want to know what came out as well!!!