Twilight: They Sparkle!

Don’t get me wrong, I have tremendous respect for what Stephanie Meyer has accomplished in her creation of the Twilight series but if that woman can write best sellers containing such drivel, then so can I!  I’m surprised that director Catherine Hardwicke created such a visually enthralling piece that just so happens to be mildly entertaining considering the subject matter she had to work with.

Now, I have only ever read the second book in the series New Moon but the film appears to stay faithful to the content of the first book in the series, to dive straight into the second best seller.  However, if I had to summarise the second book? Boyfriend who happens to be a vampire leaves girlfriend for fear of placing her in danger, girlfriend cries A LOT, girlfriend starts to fall for another boy who happens to be a werewolf and enemy to the Cullen clan, Girlfriend feels guilty about falling for said other guy and contemplates suicide etc etc… basically Bella cries through the entire book and there’s no redeeming features what so ever.  Like my writing style, it’s not very good either, fractured and incredibly dull to wade through.

So on to Twilight The Movie. Meet Bella, a young girl moving to live with her father in a small town in Washington where it’s cloudy and rains all the time.  Bella’s the talk of the town but she draws the attention of a mysterious young man who sticks to his own, for obvious reasons.  HE’S A VAMPIRE! Oh my god!! He’s not just any vampire though, he doesn’t drink human blood, so imagine his shock when Bella walks into the class and he’s instantly attracted to her on a base level, she’s like liquid crack and he wants to drink her dry.

Rather than stay away from the girl however, he strikes up a romance to test the limits.  Telling this relative stranger his secret and the secret of his entire family who seem perfectly happy about this, all bar one.  Insanity, I’d have killed her to protect my secret.  ”I Would Never Tell…” she says as she meets the Cullen family formally… yeah as if!

The only problem is, the Cullen family aren’t the only vampires in town.  Cue the big bad James, Victoria and some black dude who probably remembers the slave trade (Yes I went there and it gets worse!).  After a few unexplained ‘Animal Attacks’ the trio make themselves known.  James likes the thrill of the hunt so at a chance meeting with the Cullens, featuring Bella, he catches her scent and the hunt is on.  In a mildly dramatic chase that see’s Edward and co going dolally in an attempt to get Bella out of Town and to safety.

We all know there are three other books charting the relationship of Bella and Edward… so you can guess the results don’t end up well for the rough pretty boy vampire James.

I also had to ask myself, is Edward Cullen A Paedophile? Bella is only 17ish still in High School and Edward has lived at least twenty more lifetimes than she has, making him ancient and her practically three months old compared to him.  So is he Gary Glitter? Maybe that’s a question we should ALL ask ourselves.

The film is enjoyable enough, it’s engaging and the dialogue ain’t half bad, the looks of the actors don’t detract from the delivery either.  The population of Fawkes, Washington seems to be populated by a large spattering of pretty people who make pretty babies.  The only problem I really do have is that Meyer has raped Vampire Lore of any substance… Vampire’s Sparkle in sunlight? What were you smoking woman? If anything the sunlight should expose the darkness within their soul if you’re looking for a metaphor, show the beast that lurks within, the thing that makes them dangerous!

Sparkle? Good lord!!!

All in All? 6/10 – It’s harmless enough and may lead people to believe the books are half decent, which they aren’t.  Hollywood just makes the subject matter more interesting than it actually is and that’s down to the imagery of the director Catherine Hardwicke and her apparent love for the book she was taking from the page, to the screen.